Filling the void
I read a thread about a girl's dilemma - she's currently in a relationship but she thinks she's in love with her fubu (fuck buddy). Ever wonder why some people stick to their bf/gf despite of having sex with somebody else? This led me to ask a friend.
Morrigan: do you think its "ok" to get something from somebody else?
Morrigan: yung hindi mabigay sayo ng bf mo?
Friend: as long as ur doing it to be happy... not because you want to hurt someone
Morrigan: but... definitely you're going to hurt him. not unless of course you're not going to tell him
Morrigan: which leads me to another question. can one really make someone really happy?
Morrigan: you know... give her all the happiness she 'wants'?
Friend: hmmm...
Friend: i dont think so
Friend: another person can only do so much to make you happy
Friend: some people can live with just that... some cant
Morrigan: yeah that's another thing
Friend: those who cant... well, have to find some middle ground where they can keep the relationship which is for all intents and purposes is a happy and fulfilling one... and getting what they need/want for themselves
Morrigan: nakakatawa.
Morrigan: sometimes it's really not about love
Morrigan: there's love and "personal" happiness
Friend: bring in a relationship doesnt mean that the whole person vanishes into someone na yung relationship na lang yun ang center ng universe nya
Friend: we still retain our own thoughts, wants, need, desires
Morrigan: true true
Friend: yung claim lang ng partner mo sa relationship is what u are willing to give to it
Morrigan: somebody popped me a message
Morrigan: but ask yourself 1st is this really the thing that makes me happy? or should I give this up and be happier instead? either ways you can always go back
Morrigan: so it's greater happiness vs least happines?
Friend: the point is this
Friend: will giving up the lesser happiness make you resent your partner in the long run?
Friend: if it will, then ngayon pa lang eh tigilan mo na yung relationship
Friend: if there is going to be poison accumulating throughout the years.. .sayang lang ang investments mo in everything
Morrigan: poison... the lesser happines?
Friend: nope, giving up one happiness and resenting your partner for it
Friend: ok, wrong choice of words
Friend: nde lesser happiness
Friend: one form of happiness
This isn't mainly about getting yourself a fuck buddy but more of a general form of happiness (yes, sex is one form of happiness).
An individual is not self-sufficient; hence the saying 'no man is an island.' We will always need something from someone else.
In some situations, like in the case you mentioned, people delude themselves into believing that they are not hurting anyone by pursuing their own happiness in one form or another. Run what you are doing through an acid test; ask yourself if your partner would get hurt if (s)he finds out about what you are doing.
If you cannot go without that thing which makes you happy and stay in a relationship at the same time, then have the decency to break the relationship off.
In the end, however, you may only be fooling yourself.