Dear Oliver

I don't really know how to tell you this, but i dislike you.

I think I realized it when i changed my tennis shoes in your camping car and I saw you ignore my best friend.

I'm sure you're scarred enough to understand how awful i've felt.

I'm returning your ring to you, but I'll keep suicide note as a memory.

You should also know that I told my psychiatrist about oprah winfrey imitations.

Go Burn  
Myla

__________________________

Answer the following questions:

1. What's the color of your shirt?
  Blue - Our romance is over
  Red - Our affair is over
  White - I'll join the monastery
  Black - I dislike you
  Green - Our horoscope doesn't match
  Grey - You're a pervert
  Yellow - I'm selling myself
  Pink - Your nostrils are insulting
  Brown - The mafia wants you
  No shirt - You're a loser
  Other - I'm inlove with your sister

2. Which is your birth month?
  January - That night
  February - Last year
  March - When your dwarf bit me
  April - When I tripped on sesame seeds
  May - First of May
  June - When you put cuffs on me
  July - When I threw up
  August - When I saw the shrunken head
  September - When we skinny dipped
  October - When I quoted Santa
  November - When your dog ran amok
  December - When I changed tennis shoes

3. Which food do you prefer?
  Tacos - In your apartment
  Pizza - In your camping car
  Pasta - Outside of Chicago
  Hamburgers - Under the bus
  Salad - As you ate enchilada
  Chicken - In your closet
  Kebab - With Paris Hilton
  Fish - In women's clothing
  Sandwiches - At the Hare Krishna graduation
  Lasagna - At the mental hospital
  Hot dog - Under a state of trance
  Annat; With George Bush and his wife

4. What's the color of your socks?
  Yellow - Hit on
  Red - Insult
  Black - Ignore
  Blue - Knock out
  Purple - Pour syrup on
  White - Carve your initials into
  Grey - Pull the clothes off
  Brown - Put leeches on
  Orange - Castrate
  Pink - Pull the toupee off
  Barefoot - Sit at
  Other - Drive out

5. What's the color of your underwear?
  Black - My best friend
  White - My father
  Grey - Bill Clinton
  Brown - My fart balloon
  Purple - My mustard soufflé
  Red - Donald Duck
  Blue - My avocado plant
  Yellow - My penpal in Ghana
  Orange - My Kid Rock-collection
  Pink - Manchester United's goalkeeper
  None - My John F. Kennedy-statue
  Other - The crazy monk

6. What do you prefer to watch on TV?
  Scrubs; Man
  O.C.; Emotional
  One Tree Hill; Open
  Heroes; Frostbitten
  Lost; High
  House; Scarred
  Simpsons; Cowardly
  The news; Mongolic
  Idol; Masochistic
  Family Guy; Senile
  Top Model; Middle-class
  Annat; Ashamed

7. Your mood right now?
  Happy - How awful I've felt
  Sad - How boring you are
  Bored - That Santa doesn't exist
  Angry - That your pimples are at the last stage
  Depressed - That we're cousins
  Excited - That there is no solution to this.
  Nervous - The middle-east
  Worried - That your Honda sucks
  Apathetic - That I did a sex-change
  Ashamed - That I'm allergic to your hamster
  Cuddly - That I get turned on by garbage men
  Overjoyous - That I'm open
  Other - That Extreme Home Makeover sucks

8. What's the color of your walls in your bedroom?
  White - Your ring
  Yellow - Your love letters
  Red - Your Darth Vader-poster
  Black - Your tame stone
  Blue - The couch cushions
  Green - The pictures from LA
  Orange - Your false teeth
  Brown - Your contact book
  Grey - Our matching snoopy-bibs
  Purple - Your old lottery coupons
  Pink - The cut toenails
  Other - Your memories from the military service

9. The first letter of your first name?
  A/B - Your photo
  C/D - The oil stocks
  E/F - Your neighbour Martin
  G/H - My virginity
  I/J - The results of your blood-sample
  K/L - Your left ear
  M/N - Your suicide note
  O/P - My common sense
  Q/R - Your mom
  S/T - Your collection of butterflies
  U/V - Your criminal record
  W/X - David's tricot outfits
  Y/Z - Your grades from college

10. The last letter in your last name?
  A/B - Always will remember
  C/D - Never will forget
  E/F - Always wanted to break
  G/H - Never openly mocked
  I/J - Always have felt dirty before
  K/L - Will tell the authorities about
  M/N - Told in my confession today about
  O/P - Was interviewed by the Times about
  Q/R - Told my psychiatrist about
  S/T - Get sick when I think of
  U/V - Always will try to forget
  W/X - Am better off without
  Y/Z - Never liked

11. What do you prefer to drink?
  Water- Our friendship
  Beer - Senility
  Soft drink - A new life as a clone
  Soda - The incarnation as an eskimo
  Milk - The apartment building
  Wine - Cocaine abuse
  Cider - A passionate interest for mice
  Juice - Oprah Winfrey imitations
  Mineral water - Embarrassing rash
  Hot chocolate - Eggplant-fetishism
  Whisky - To ruin the second world war
  Other - To hate the Boston Celtics

12. To which country would you prefer to go on a vacation?
  Thailand - Warm regards
  USA - Best regards
  England - Good luck on your short-term leave from jail
  Spain - Go and drown yourself
  China - Disgusting regards
  Germany - With ease
  Japan - Go burn
  Greece - Your everlasting enemy
  Australia - Greetings to your frog Leonard
  Egypt - Fuck off now
  France - In pain
  Other - Greetings to your freaky family

Then place your answer's equivalent in here:

>

Dear (the person who last texted/smsed you).

I don't really know how to tell you this, but ___1___.

I think I realized it ___2___ ___3___ and I saw you ___4___ ___5___.

I'm sure you're ___6___ enough to understand ___7___.

I'm returning ___8___ to you, but I'll keep ___9___ as a memory.

You should also know that I ___10___ ___11___.

___12___,
-Your name-